Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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