Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
