If i come over, it means nothing
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
