I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
