No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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