Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
