you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
