I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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