Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
