when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
