dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
