Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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