Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
