Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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