dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
