The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
