I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
