i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
