I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
