I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
