I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
my liver is dry heaving
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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