You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
