well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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