I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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