Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
