tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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