Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
