No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
