Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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