Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
