I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
