every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
