Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
