and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
