Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
