dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A+ Viking dick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
