i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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