I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
