saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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