wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
