im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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