I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
