Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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