you traded sex for a burrito?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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