see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
