He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
