Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
