Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
