Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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