Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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