so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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