i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
