Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
